Wow! Been awhile!
We have a LOT to go over. I's been one month since our sweet Annie joined the world. She is growing and thriving and just now hitting the 7 pound mark! Lets back up...
On May 8th I went in for my 37 week check up. I expressed to the doctor that I was having major anxiety & fears that something was wrong. Although Annie was kicking ALL of the time, I just couldn't shake the feeling that something wasn't right. The doctor offered to send me down for a non-stress test to ease my mind until I could see my OB the next week when he was back in town.
I had a very easy pregnancy with Scarlet and had a easy time with Annie as well so this was all foreign to me. After the NST the doctor said that the babies heart wasn't reacting the way they like to see it to the contractions I was having so they wanted me to go drink a coke and have another NST as well as a growth scan. I took all of this very lightly because surely nothing was wrong, right? When I finally went down for the growth scan I could see the screen as the tech measured. This wasn't in the baby section of the hospital so the tech wasn't talking to me like a normal ultrasound. This was in Radiology and all she was doing was clicking and measuring on the screen. I started paying attention and saw that the measurements were all reading small, between 30-34 weeks. I started to feel a little nervous but shook it off, choosing to believe that everything was fine, she was just small, and she still had 3 whole weeks to grow.
After a good 6+ hours of being hooked up to monitors checking the babies heart rate the doctor came in and told me I wasn't leaving. She explained that the baby had stopped growing and I would be induced in the morning. I begged (with tears) for them to let me go get my bag packed and go put my girl to bed before admitting me. She reluctantly agreed and told me to be back at the hospital at 9pm.
So John and I got to the hospital, got checked in, ate snacks, and really just believed our girl was small, but FINE. After little sleep and a lot of flipping and flopping over to keep her heart rate up, they started Pitocin & broke my water at 5am. The labor part went by quickly. Mostly because they would not let me be still but also because well, it was just quick. I had a fantastic nurse named Jada that talked me through my worries. Finally at about 10:30 am I told Jada I was going to shit the bed. She offered to check me again & I begged her not to, I was over it. Another nurse came in and checked me and quickly said it was go time...so that is where the shit the bed part comes in... Ha!
Within minutes the bed was broken down, the nurses were preparing, I was telling them I wanted the baby on my chest asap, I didn't want her to have a bath, etc, and shit was getting real. I had a contraction and the doctor told me to push through it, within 2 pushes the baby was born and the doctor calmly unwrapped the cord from her neck and handed her off. This is where it gets blurry and really clear all at once, does that make sense? I remember saying "I want to hear her cry", I remember hearing "you aren't going to hear her cry," I remember a herd of people coming into the room, I remember seeing a woman forcing my mom and sister to leave, I remember seeing my sisters eyes well up with tears and that moment is when I realized that my baby either wasn't alive, or wasn't going to live.
I looked over at the team of people huddled around her and I saw them doing CPR. I had NO idea what was going on. I started screaming, crying, losing my mind, and as quickly as that all happened, I heard a cry. The team of people started cheering, I felt immediate relief & was overcome with happiness to just hear her. After a few minutes they brought her over to me, I held her for a moment and they said she was going to the NICU. They took her from me and took John and left. So here I am alone with the doctor and nurse, with out my mom, my sister, my husband, or my baby.
The next few hours are a blur, so much that all I remember was a nurse bringing her cell phone in my room and showing me pictures of Annie on the scale. She was 4.7 lbs and 18 inches long. Her APGAR score at 1 minute was a 2. Do you know what the APGAR is? I didn't until I read it in her chart much later, google it if you don't. The only reason she even got a 2 was because she had a bit of a heart beat, and she finally let out a cry. Her 5 minute score was a 7. 6 hours later the neonatologist called to tell us that she had no brain bleeds, no apnea, and no seizures. All things caused by being with out oxygen, all things that had not even crossed my mind.
After a very long day, I finally got to go see her. She was absolutely perfect, and I was absolutely heart broken that she was on the other side of the hospital, hooked up to countless machines, naked, in a warming bed. All that I could think was that none of this was part of my plan. We should be in our room, with our families and our baby. We should be laughing and having champagne. Why is it happening this way?
Thankfully my sweet nurse Jada was by our sides the entire time. She kept on and on talking about God, and miracles, and all of it just kind of rolled off of my back. But then she looked at me, with the most fierce look and said "Sarah! God breathed life into your baby! She was not breathing Sarah! Do you understand that?! She is here for a reason!" I broke down right then. Literally broke down. How blind could I be! How was I not hearing what God was saying?! How is it that this adorable, country, L&D nurse basically just slapped me in the face with realization! A few hours later she was telling me about her husband, telling me how sweet, good looking, and awesome he is. She told me that she asked God what he was thinking when he created him and she said "Sarah, seriously, find yourself a quiet spot and ask him what he was thinking when he made Annie, Sarah he will answer, I promise, just do it."
The next day, I was sitting in the NICU rocking my baby, I had the curtain pulled around her "pod." I asked God what he was thinking when he made her. And clear as day, he answered. He told me that he needed my attention. I have never been so sure of anything as I am of that. I heard him loud and clear. And ya'll. It was amazing.
So here we are. Annie beat ALL of the odds and was out of the NICU in a week. We have adjusted with ease into being a family of 4. I can't stop looking around and seeing and experiencing all of the miracles and blessings God is giving. It is like a cover has been lifted off of my eyes and a weight off of my shoulders. My baby is healthy, and strong, and very much alive. When the NICU doctor explained to me that the reason Annie had stopped growing was because I had a viral infection in my placenta I knew. When he explained that it could only be one of 3 infections, all which cause fetal death, I knew. When he told me that he just didn't understand how this infection hadn't passed onto her, I knew. God wanted this little girl here for a reason, and he wanted my attention, and he got both.
Now! without further adieu...