Having a toddler is hilarious.  They say and do some funny shit.  Scarlet got to wear panties this weekend.  She thinks she is BIG STUFF and I don't blame her, it is pretty awesome to not have to sit in your own urine and feces.  I put her in the bed in panties last night.  I wouldn't say epic fail, I was just testing the waters.  She only peed in it twice so I got up, took her to the potty, cleaned her and the bed up and put her back down.  We will see how things go with that.  P.s. I bought a Barbie from the grocery store for a "all day dry" present.  When did Barbie become such a skank?  I mean I know she has always bared mid drift and worn short shorts but good god does a child's doll really need a phone, heels and a bra?  Gah.  Some not so awesome stuff they do:  She has been in a big bed for months now (I think like 8) and by big bed I don't mean a toddler bed, I mean a BIG, antique, very high bed.  She has never fallen out or gotten out.  She knows knew that only Mommy or Daddy can get her in and out.  Or so I thought.  Saturday morning I opened my eyes because I started having a creepy feeling that someone was watching me.  They were.  At 7:00 am on the dot I opened my eyes to a toddler 3/4 of an inch away from my face.  I almost shit my bed, like literally.  She said "Mine just really needs that Minnie Mouse cup" that was sitting on my bedside table.  Really?  Really kid?  You were awoken from your peaceful slumber because you somehow knew I borrowed your Minnie Mouse cup and you just HAD TO HAVE IT AT SEVEN IN THE MORNING.  On a Saturday.  What the hell.  We had a major talk about it and John got up with her letting me sleep in until 9!  Whoop!  So I told her that in the morning she could look at her stop light clock and when it was green she could call for Daddy (muahahahh not for me)! At 7:30 on the dot Sunday morning she said "daddy! Daddy! DADDY!!! Come det meeeee, my light dreen!!"  And he got up with her again :)  Spoiled I know.  Another un-cool thing she did:  I don't know if after climbing out of the giant bed she felt bold or what but she was getting ready for breakfast (as in I was making her plate) and she said she wanted to eat.  I told her to hold on a second and let me get her food and get her up in the high chair, I turn around and she is crouching tiger all up in her high chair, by herself, on our concrete-esque kitchen floor.  Her Boon high chair, that has wheels and is HIGH.  What the hell.  A cool thing, she likes doing "gymnastics" i.e. running from one end of the house to the other "real super fast" she says, flipping around the entire house, and fake yoga that she learned from some skank at an art festival who had multiple hoola-hoops (as well as the most proficient camel toe I have ever seen).  I wish I had a picture of that lady but I don't  I do have a video of flippin' though.  We gotta get this kid in a gym class!

Back to work for me.  A/C is out in my office, not the whole office, just mine.  WTF is that?  It is 80* and climbing up in this piece so I am gonna stop typing cause it's making me hot.  Happy Monday!


  1. Haha I'm still cracking up imagining her in your face!!

  2. Let me just warn you, this may just be "payback"! You did that to me (the old face one inch away) for about three or four years!!!! Aren't they a blast!! ♥

  3. I've got a lot to look forward to!


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