Orange Mocha Frappucinno

Maybe I am just a butt hole but oh my god if I see ONE more pin of "pumpkin spiced everything" 

I may quit Pinterest.  Seriously people, I like looking at good looking 

shit too, but pumpkin cake balls, soup, and 

OMGlookatthisawesomepumpkinbread 

are getting old.

Also, Elf on a Shelf. 

I can't describe the way I feel about this little fellow. 

Look mom, I can be good for a month so I can get presents. 

All you have to do is make a disaster that involves flour, tell me that an elf is watching, 

then YOU have to go clean it up! 

Brilliant!

Scarlets attitude has reached epic proportions. 

We had to leave town for a few days because my grandmother died. 

We came back to hell baby.

 Oh and naps, she still hates those. 

Not a phase I guess. 

Eeew.

I am excited to take her trick or treating.  Mainly because I want candy but I also want to see her in her costume. She said she wanted to be a bird but I found a owl costume on clearance at Target so she will be a pink owl. She's happy with this decision and told me I will be going as a Daddy. Not a daddy bird, just a daddy period. 

I feel like I am writing Haiku's even though I can't remember what they actually are. 

I just felt like shaping my paragraphs.

...

I need to drop about 10 pounds before we go into holiday season. I have gained 3 pounds over my "comfort" zone of numbers and although 3 is not a lot, it is noticeable. I don't have very much will power, especially around copious amounts of booze and food so unless I want a do over of last year (which I don't) I need to shape up so it won't be as noticeable when I gain 7 pounds in 4 days.

I really really hope this week goes smooth.  I hope we do not have to have an emergency leave town and I really can't wait to have a relaxing weekend at home. That would be cool.

Head on over to The Poop and see some of the funnies Scarlet hit us with upon our arrival back home! 

Clicks & Whistles

Some stuff on the internet has been making me happy lately. I will share them with you. Some of them are blogs, some products, some etsy, some tweets. Just some clicks I like. Enjoy...

I found this.  Wittlebee. How cool. Pay $29 and get a box of kids clothes (valued at $100). Keep what you like, send back what you don't. Anything you don't keep either can be a credit for the next month or they will add another article in your next box. I like this. I'm not ballsy enough to try the Stitch Fix or Tag & Porter route  yet, $29 is way easier to spend than $200.

Although this chick can be annoying (only cause she is extra pretty, skinny, and seems to be living it up) I like her blog. She cracks me up and obviously has that "who gives a shit" attitude that I am drawn to.

Funny, Funny, Funny! I have been drawn to the funnies lately because my attitude sucks so bad I need someone to make me laugh. Pooh costume anyone?!

I have been praying for this little girl but haven't heard anything about her lately. I hope she doing well. Go read about her, she is strong & needs all the prayer she can get.

I posted a link to this chick the other day. She is funny, real, & good at her job. You won't find sunshine & rainbows here unless there are actually rainbows at her house.

I have yet to order from her shop but man is this stuff cute! Her blog is precious too and makes me want to be a cute mom, although I never will.

I KNOW these people are assholes but they are hilarious, AND this is where I find most of the new blogs I find.  I tend to love the people they hate, so in reality, they are doing the ones they loathe a favor by posting about them because I quickly follow each link!

Also assholery but anyone that devotes this amount of time making fun of a terribly dressed girls "style" blog, gets my page view.

How awesome are these kids t-shirts? I would like 5.

That's it for today. If you are in Reader jump out and see my new blog design & get my button!
Happy Friday!

Bento Bandwagon

Man Asians can make some cute ass meals huh? Well I am not Asian so this here PB&J dinner took me around 20 minutes to make but guys, if you could have seen her face...

She ate the entire plate, well not the plate itself, but you know. I found all of this (and more) at allthingsforsale.com for cheap! I'll try to post what all I got.  Anyhow, if you have a few extra minutes before lunch or dinner and want to see a toddlers mind explode, give them a bear shaped sandwich complete with face.

You can thank me later.

(you can't even see the cute little fish container with yogurt, oh I shall make John & I dinner in these tonight...)

& no, that website had nothing to do with me writing this. 

Sleep

Oh my god. I am so tired. I feel like i have a newborn, worse than a newborn because she can say my name.  I need a full nights sleep, I can't take it anymore.  Let's back up.

Monday I got to write my first post for The Poop! Fun!

Then I got sick.
Then Scarlet got sick.
Then I got struck by lightning.  Just kidding, I can't back that last part up at all.

So last Friday I was all pumped for work even though I had felt generally shitty all week.  My boss was out of town, I was gonna take a 1/2 day as per usual but I was going to go to the doctor. Get a shot & a z-pack and solve all of the worlds problems.  Clean my house, eat junk, clean my dvr out... Dreamy Friday right?

Except none of that happened but the doctor bit.  Scarlet woke up and I could tell she had a fever.  I couldn't bring myself to dose her and send her off to school because as I've said before, the assholes that do that are the reason my kid gets sick. I didn't feel that she warranted a trip to the doc for just a fever but I certainly needed one so my mom came over and hung with sickie while I went to the doctor. Got my shot & my z-pack and carried on.

Being home with a sick kid sucks. Bad. She was a fuss bucket & so was I. Then the weekend happened and she wouldn't nap. Like at all. And I still felt like shit. It was pretty nasty at our house. Then Monday happened, keep in mind we haven't slept through the night in like a month. Oh I left that out. She has been waking up no less than 3 times a night for NO REASON other than to be sure I will walk in her room. Efff. That. It goes back and fourth between me getting up or me socking John long enough for him to get up but either way I AM AWAKE every time she wakes up. Not fun.

The out-laws were passing through town on Tuesday and asked if they could camp out at our zombie house. Real glad we said yes cause Scarlet was up all. night. long. EFF THIS.
I could NOT take off work the next day. The best in-laws ever put there beach plan on hold for the day and took her to the doc. She got a breathing treatment, antibiotics, & some pretty potent cough syrup.

I came home from work to a new kid. It was magical. And whether she slept all night last night was because of the "little" bit over the recommended amount of cough syrup I gave her, or not, she SLEPT. There were unicorns and tiny hands massaging me with Gods beard when I woke up. Unicorns. I saw rainbows, I feel human.
Sleep is a good thing.  Hope none of you ever get sick.

P.S. My new blog design should be up soon...Like tomorrow. This girl made it. I like her, I kinda feel like we are related.
P.P.S. My friend Emily just had her first baby, a little girl named Reese. Go show her some Mama love. Now.

The shit has hit the fan

Hey loyals

I have been asked to contribute to a little spot on the web called The Poop Whisperer. I will still be here with my usual vulgar posts but I hope you will join us ladies over there for some fun parenting facts & fiction!

This is a group of ladies that blog about all kinds of things! From parenting, to marriage, to crafting, food & special needs; they cover it all. Now I get to be a part of it!

My first post will be up Monday so come see what's going on at The Poop! {see you here tomorrow}!

31 days of duck face

So I totally wanted to keep up with all my fellow bloggers on doing the 31 days of blogging thing, but I am inconsistent and an asshole. So I thought I would just make fun of people for 26 days instead. Hope you guys enjoy 26 days of the infamous "Duck Face" pose.



Here's to day 1 bitches!!!

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